Here they come. Creeping, sneaking . . . trying to catch us unaware. Then they spring – the holidays! They are here, roaring into life with a vengeance! Am I ready? No. I just addressed all of my cards last night. I realized I don’t have enough. 80 cards and I am still short. Have I wrapped any gifts? Of course not. Am I done shopping? Nooo, but almost. And you know what? This year, finally after many years, I really am not worried. Why? Because if it gets done, it gets done. If not, cést la vie!

Every year since my diagnosis of MS I have had a flare up at the holidays. Stress, life, family . . . it all adds up to one big attack for me. Last year I had surgery in November, so the holidays were very low-key and I did only what I felt like I could. I didn’t stress about what wasn’t done and frankly, no one noticed.

So this year, I feel the same. Because I realized something last year. I actually ENJOYED the holidays. I had fun seeing the excitement of my 6 year old. I had fun wrapping gifts (that I bought all online). I had fun watching specials on TV. It is was Christmas was supposed to be. Not stressing over all the little stuff: cards, wrapping, baking, obligations. It is about enjoying the season, living the magic through the young, being excited like we used to.

Happy Holidays to everyone.

Well, I am officially out of my 30’s. Today is the start – 4-0, baby. I have mixed emotions about it. And for the life of me, I don’t really know why. Birthdays never bothered me before, but this one . . . this one seems, I don’t know, important. Like it’s time to grow up. It’s official. I remember as a kid hearing someone was in their 40’s and that was soooo old! Now that’s me!

But I’m going into it with a good attitude. Let’s face it, my 30’s weren’t stellar. Health issues abound, maybe this new decade will bring some good luck with it! The last day of my 30’s was a fog – going on 2 hours of sleep due to the meds from my last attack, I don’t really remember much of the day. Plus it was Friday the 13th so maybe that was the sign that I was leaving all of the bad luck behind in my 30’s. Let’s hope! So here’s to better days! They say 40’s are the new 20’s. We’ll see . . .

I have so many exciting things coming up so hopefully it will be good! Training the horse, work, etc. there are some exciting things coming down the pipeline, so I am officially saying that my 40’s are going to be the harbinger of good luck!

So there!

Yes, after all of the problems I have had in October (strained my back, got cellulitis in my arm, broke my toe) I ended out the month with an attack.
There is a timely article in the Everyday Health website discussing Understanding and Coping with MS Flare.

Whenever I tell someone I am having an attack they always ask, “What happens? What is the attack?” I tell them the best I can but how can I explain the physical along with the mental and emotional sides of it? I can’t. I can tell them about the weakness i have in my arm and legs. The feeling of falling, the fatigue. But it is the frustration and anger I can’t tell them about. But here is a copy of the article from the previously mentioned website.

Understanding and Coping with MS Flares

Learn why multiple sclerosis symptoms flare and subside and how you can deal with this cyclical pattern.

Tanuja Chitnis, MD, a Boston neurologist specializing in multiple sclerosis, likens the human nervous system to a massive jumble of electrical wires. Nerves transmit messages through this vast network all over your body. To protect them from “short circuits,” nerves are covered by what’s called a myelin sheath, an insulating layer of protein and fat.

In multiple sclerosis, an autoimmune disorder, your immune system mistakenly attacks your own nervous system, starting with the myelin sheath. Specific symptoms — vision loss, balance issues, fatigue, numbness and tingling — will then appear depending on where the damage occurs. In addition, without the myelin, electrical signals in your nervous system can be interrupted or slowed, causing MS symptoms to flare. It is a hallmark of multiple sclerosis that the symptoms caused by faulty nerve signals ebb and flow. An acute flare is often followed by a remission, which can last from months to even years before another episode occurs. Given the cyclical nature of the condition, the course of MS is anything but predictable.

Understanding an MS Flare
A multiple sclerosis flare is also called an exacerbation, a relapse, or an attack. A flare can involve either the appearance of new symptoms or the reappearance of older ones. Timing is also important: To be technically classified as a “relapse,” symptoms must last for 24 hours and must occur at least 30 days after your most recent flare-up. Dr. Chitnis, assistant professor of neurology and director of the Partners Pediatric MS Center at Massachusetts General Hospital for Children, compares the appearance of MS symptoms to those of a stroke, saying that “while a stroke comes on in a manner of minutes, MS symptoms [generally] come on over the course of several days.”

Symptoms of an MS Flare
MS symptoms generally vary from person to person. And this certainly holds true in the case of an MS flare. Severe fatigue is common, as are sensory problems, such as numbness and tingling in the arms and legs; vision problems, such as eye pain or blurred vision; weakness and balance difficulties; and bladder and bowel problems.

Causes of an MS Flare
While many things have been linked to multiple sclerosis flares, the exact cause of a flare can be difficult to pinpoint. “Flares can be triggered by infections, including [bladder infections],” says Chitnis. And “some evidence suggests that stress may trigger flares, but this is still controversial.” One misconception regarding what increases the risk of an MS flare: vaccines. “The evidence is strong that vaccinations do not trigger flares,” notes Chitnis.

Preventing an MS Flare
Though a multiple sclerosis flare cannot be prevented entirely, avoiding things that trigger attacks can help keep them at bay, at least in the short term. Since flares are sometimes triggered by infection, it’s especially important to wash your hands frequently during the cold and flu season and to talk about getting a flu shot with your doctor. Experts also recommend such simple tactics as drinking cranberry juice daily to help protect yourself from bladder infections.

Duration of an MS Flare
Flares can last anywhere from a few days to a few weeks, depending on your response to treatment. Sometimes, a brief flare-up of symptoms can occur and then resolve without any treatment at all. This is called a pseudoexacerbation and is not technically classified as a relapse. These pseudoexacerbations are usually brought on by increased body temperature and go away when the body cools down, sometimes in a manner of minutes.

Treatment for an MS Flare
Flares can be treated with steroid medications that suppress the actions of the immune system, which helps to keep it from attacking the nervous system. This often slows the progression of a flare. But because the side effects of steroids can be serious, Chitnis says that doctors often weigh the long-term risks of steroid use against the immediate benefits of flare symptom relief.

Recovering from an MS Flare
Most people with MS are initially diagnosed with a form of the disease called relapsing-remitting MS. In this type of multiple sclerosis, when the attack on the myelin stops, symptoms gradually lessen. Some people will regain total functioning after flares, in others the recovery may only be partial. Rehabilitation can play an important role in regaining certain functions after flare-ups. A physical therapist, speech therapist, or occupational therapist can be useful additions to your team of health care providers to help you move forward with your life after a flare-up.

I was just on one of my favorite blogs, http://www.everydayhealth.com/blog/trevis-life-with-multiple-sclerosis-ms/, by Trevis Gleason. I read thru his posts, comment on very few (I am more of a lurker) and can understand and agree with much of what he writes. His positive attitude and his everyday experiences makes me feel like I know him. We both have MS, that’s true, but I like to think that I share his philosophies.

His latest post was about saying “no”. This is one of the most difficult things that those of us with MS, or any illness, has to face. Being tired, weak . . . most healthy people don’t understand why we sometimes have to say, “No thanks. I really need to rest tonight.” And let’s face it, most healthy people will say to themselves, “What’s the big deal? I’m tired too but I still can manage to go out to dinner (or a movie, or a cocktail party, etc., etc.)”. And trying to explain it to others is almost impossible. I have heard the tone in people’s voices when I say I am tired. They think I am making up an excuse, or just don’t want to go.  A quote from Trevis’ blog sums it up nicely, “Beyond the most prevalent multiple sclerosis symptom of profound fatigue, there is one other “symptom” we have all, likely, experienced: having to say “no.” “

I feel that when others are depending on me, waiting for me, expecting me, I can’t let them down. So I end up doing too much, pushing myself, stressing myself and then I pay, and pay and pay. Days of IV steroids, pills, rest, being all over miserable.

But that’s life with MS. The unpredictability, the uncertainty. How do I know to slow down when I’m doing too much when I don’t know what too much is?

I promised to tell the story of my riding accident last week. This is along the same lines as the sports bra post I had a while ago.

Last week I was giving riding lessons on Monday night. I had to give three lessons, starting at 3:30 and ending at about 6:30. It was cold out, so I bundled up in my warmest clothes which included flannel lined jeans. Standing in the middle of the ring telling riders what to do does not make you very warm, so I dressed for the weather.

Now those of you who know me, you know I have had a rough few weeks. Started with a strained back. Then it progressed to a finger infection that spread up my arm and into my lymph nodes and was diagnosed as cellulitis. Then I accidentally kicked a 2000 page book and broke my toe. So I have had  pretty crappy October.

So on Monday while I was waiting for my last lesson to show up, I decided to get up on the horse. This is my horse, Willy, so I know and trust him. It felt so good to be back on the horse after my weeks off. Even though there was a kids’ saddle on, I just let my legs hang down his  sides. Well, my next student showed up and while she went to get a bigger saddle, I went to dismount off Willy. At the same time I remembered that my iphone was in the front pocket of my jacket. So as my body is sliding down the side of Willy, I leaned over so I wouldn’t squash my phone. Well, on kids’ saddles we use safetly stirrups. They are a “C” shape and in the open part we use an elastic band for a quick release if the child needs it. So picture the stirrup as almost like a hook.

And didn’t that damn stirrup hook itself into the crotch of my jeans. As I am dangling there, I realized I had to do something so I flung myself backward and landed on the ground with a thud.

I was still laying there as Kim, my friend and barn owner came running over to see if I was OK. Through my laughter I was able to move my leg and she saw my jeans, ripped from the left left about mid-thigh all the way thru my crotch and down to my right knee.

So as I lay in the dirt, my jeans ripped open, feeling the cool Autumn breeze gently caressing my bare skin, Willy looked at my and I could tell he was thinking: “What an idiot.” And yes, I did teach my next lesson.

Yes, I ate the big burger @ Five Guys. I deserve it. Every mayo, lettuce, tomato, onion, ketchup dripping bite.

Yummy!

So after my trip to the allergist, I was a little distracted. Maybe distracted enough not to notice the soreness and swelling in my hand. Well, very long story short, I have an infection in my finger that has now traveled up my arm and has settled in my nymph nodes. Cellulitis. So on major antibiotics hoping to get it under control or it is off to the emergency room for IV antibiotics! I have to say this week has thoroughly sucked. I canceled a horse show because my hand is so big and just doing normal things is painful. I need a vacation!

I just spent almost 5 hours at the allergist to try and figure out why my lips keep swelling. After many needles later, we discovered I am allergic to pretty much everything, from the everyday trees, grass, etc to mice, roaches and grain smut (don’t ask). Because of my MS, allergy shots are out so we are trying to balance this all out with meds. Great. And yes, horses was a biggie and so were rabbits (darn Fuzzers). But it turns out my lungs were functioning at about 1/2 their capacity. So I am now taking all sorts of stuff to try to get my life and breathe back to where it should be. Maybe I’ll finally feel *normal*. Yeah, right.

Yes, I know. I am a blogging loser. I just can’t figure out where the time went . . . summer is over and even as I type I am listening to the wind rattle my windows. Fall is definitely trying to push its way through. I have thought about writing–have had more crazy things happen that definitely were worth a few minutes in the blog. But I just couldnt’ get myself to sit down and type. I hand-wrote a few notes about topics but I guess I lost my mojo.

On the up-side, I feel it is time to write again. The mojo must have made its way back. It seems I just lost it about a lot of things. I haven’t painted much at all in the last few months. I haven’t done much knitting. I have not done much of anything but it feels like I am running around all the time. I guess that’s life.

Since Matthew is back in school, I thought I would have more time. It feels like I have less time than ever. Still training the new horse, Pete, which is fun. Now I am giving riding lessons which I really enjoy. So I guess when I look at all I have been busy, but just doing the necessary things. Not so much of the fun stuff. . .

I have done a few things with friends which makes me realize I need to push myself to get out and do things. I have a great group of buds and I need to appreciate that fact.

So this is my foray back into the blog world. Let’s see if I can make it last!